Trust the essential ingredient

Would you prefer your relationships to be real ?

Who can we trust? it’s the main ingredient to any relationship and yet it’s so hard to come by? We would expect to be able to trust family right ? When you are on your uppers is when you really find out who is there for you.

The best relationships are built on trust and where the door is always open. Wouldn’t you prefer that someone came to see when they want to and not because they feel duty bound to do so? Funny how we always measure our relationships by certain standards. Who set them though? Why do we feel that each relationship has to adhere to a set of rules even though the reasons for the bond are always different and the individuals involved are exactly that.

Is it correct or even helpful to allow a therapist to become a third wheel in the relationship?

Would you prefer your relationships to be real ?

With the invention of the internet and social media. We seem to judge our relationships by the opinions of others. How many times a week does he/she text you? How often do you see him/her? I am as much to blame. We ask friends what they think about our partner’s behaviors. If they seem to think we shouldn’t be putting up with any negative side to it we start to doubt ourselves and the relationship.

We are effectively allowing the insecurities of others to add to our own. There should be two people in a relationship. As soon as you talk to other’s and take into account their opinions, we bring them into the relationship. They have then added to the ingredients. Therapists are supposed to be unbiased but how can they be? Being after all human how can they be? men don’t tend to talk about their relationships to others, it’s a girl thing. Is this why many men don’t like couples counselling? Does it make them feel intimidated.

Having trusted the wrong people myself many times. Worse than that the same people time and time again. Trouble is the people that are supposed to be closest to us tend to be the ones that break our trust. Trusting is not as easy as it sounds. So is the best way to leave the door open to those we want to see and get close to? allow them to come to us as and when they please ? as long as that is reciprocated then surely that is trust and trustworthy?

Always comes down to personal opinion

Of course all relationships on whatever standing need to be nurtured from both sides. What happens when one side is taking more than they are giving ? does this make the other partner a fool ? or merely the giver of unconditional love? coming down to personal opinion again isn’t it.

Taken for granted or give and take?

The above quote is one that I once thought was the basis of a relationship. Feeling that as long as any behavior was consistent then you can trust it. Personally I struggle with emotional roller coasters. Some however find the uncertainty exciting. It takes a lot of faith to allow a relationship to just be what it will be. Would you prefer your relationships to be real ?

Ego is our biggest enemy


Ego is our biggest enemy. We allow it to get in the way of so many things. Dealing with and negotiating the egos of others is draining to our energies. Grappling with our own is the hardest battle of all. An 8 year relationship with a man who was pure ego and I am still dealing with the emotional burn out 10 years after it ended. He is oblivious to the damage I allowed him to cause not just my mental health but that of my two children. His ignorance is affirmation of ego. Some ego is so demanding that it takes up a person’s whole mind and ambition. To portray an image to the outside world that they feel and belief strongly is what they should see.

HOW TO DEESCALATE CONFLICT conflict is a part of life whether we like it or not.

What a waste of life. To allow an ego to grow so important that it takes up their every thought. It’s tragic when we feel we cannot allow to be loved on every level for who we really are? Portraying an image that is not real but no more than an ego. What we think we should be. We are all worthy of unconditional love on every level of our being. Convincing others of that is a challenge in itself.