When they’re gone does the pain stay ? Is there a right or wrong way to feel when those who had important standing in our lives pass away and leave us here on earth? There is a theory that we must grieve in a way that society deems “suitable” and acceptable. When someone we had a deep love relationship with dies we cry and express sadness . We call it mourning. The “proper ” way to feel is heartbroken. There has been so much research done on whether there is an afterlife. Where do we go when our physical body dies. What is our soul ? The spirit and energy that makes us who we are. Our body doesn’t make us the person we are. Genetics, history and so many other factors all play a part.

When they’re gone, does the pain stay?

When they’re gone does the pain stay

This year have seen three bereavements for me already. Our Queen would say it’s an ” annus horribilis ” The first was a beloved dog that has been in the family for 12 years. Fern goes down in history as one of the greatest characters ever born with fur! She is much missed. But how do we stop the good memories we have from being painful ? Does time really heal all wounds?

My own personal struggle with grieving is finding the good memories painful. It’s true that our minds don’t tend to replay any bad images with someone we loved very much. We tend to hold on to the good. However when it comes to grief we can’t win for a certain length of time. The prize being the day we can replay those great times in our minds and smile or laugh. The day when we can feel joy in our hearts over the dagger of pain.

So why when we say the word “grief ” is it associated mainly with the passing of a loved one? When grief can come in so many different forms of varying degrees. We know that we experience a form of grief when we are separated from something or one we love. For many though, the more intense grief comes with physical death. Fear of death possibly being the end of existence could be the reason for that. However just because the eye can’t see. Indeed we do have other senses, so why not trust them more?

Use your mind ?

There's no life without death
There’s no life without death

If you prefer to rely on science then believe and trust in the power of your mind. It is far more powerful than we give it credit for. Eyes have been known to bend the truth on many occasions. In addition to what we can see, hear and touch, there’s what we somehow just sense. Coupled with a sizeable dose of self doubt, this tends to be the sense we are most suspicious of. Mainly because it’s not always grounded in physical evidence.

When someone that caused pain dies

In light of the pain we feel when someone we love dies, what about when that person also causes a great deal of pain. Coupled with grieving for the relationship I wish I had with my mother who passed away this year in March. Recently an ex partner died who was the biggest lesson I have learned to date !! When a person dies that has tested your strength, your resolve. Drained your finances to bankruptcy, made you question your sanity. Moreover someone I trusted with my children, gravely betrayed that trust. Unknown to me was the weight of emotion I had been carrying around with me for the last 12 years of my life. Buried negative energy that was keeping me locked away.