Why is it necessary to change how we are ?

Unconditional love against self respect. So does unconditional love actually exist? Do we confuse it with the throws of new passion that tend to consume us. Where do we draw the line? We could continue to love someone that abuses us but not tolerate the situation. Would that count as self respect. We don’t have to accept abusive behaviour. But is there also such a thing as unrequited love? Surely if we love a person unconditionally, then the energy must go both ways to some degree. Love is an action not a feeling. If we do what we feel then we are conveying love. If we act in a negative way then can that convey love also. Actually sometimes. If a person has low self esteem/ poor self image then it always stems from not experiencing unconditional love from their parents. As everything does it starts in childhood and how we relate to our parents.


Poor self image, the killer of relationships

Self respect isn’t about always just getting what you want and need in a relationship. Love is give and take. That action of giving and being able to receive is what love is all about. Self respect comes when you respect each other. Individual self respect always breeds self discipline. This means you stick to your guns but always be willing to sacrifice a little for each other. Moderation in everything is the answer. The fact is that if a person knows you love them and continues to abuse you .Then for your own mental and physical health, you need to physically leave the situation. This maybe the only way you can show them you are not there for them to abuse. That is exercising self respect.

Is mental illness an excuse

Unconditional love against self respect

Being guilty of the old self destruct button at the 11th hour of getting what I want. Poor self image always comes from childhood. When a child tries to please a parent and feels they have failed to do that, they feel like a failure. This leads to the self destruct button being pushed whenever they get a sniff of happiness. Firstly because they are convinced it won’t happen anyway because it never has in the past. In addition they feel they don’t deserve love because they didn’t have unconditional love from one or both parents.

Mental illness can account for many types of behaviour. This is true, however it is a personal choice not to seek help . You can show love for someone who loves you by seeking help and sticking to it. Having an episode of a borderline personality disorder or any type of mental health issue is unpleasant. Not only for the person suffering it but those around them too. The affects on all can be minimised by not hitting the self destruct button. Don’t make choices that make the situation worse. Thinking ” I may as well just give up on it all ” isn’t going to help anyone in the situation. The point is making it worse is a personal choice.

Be nice to yourself

So many times you hear someone say ” they love themselves way too much” Loving yourself is not about self adoration. You can be nice to yourself without worship of self. Arrogance and vanity are a different thing entirely. I had a partner that spent more time in the bathroom than I did and the lyrics of Shania Twains ” that don’t impress me much ” come to mind. He adored himself and continues to this day. These people never know the difference. Being nice to yourself is allowing yourself to receive kindness and love from those around you. When you feel down be nice to yourself. A bit of self pampering does no harm at all and can make all the difference. Not allowing yourself to be physically or emotionally abused is self love. Without respect there is no love.