Social rejection is responsible for many anxiety disorders. Social anxiety is the biggest disorder connected to anxiety. Humans have a very strong inherent need to be liked, accepted and loved.
Social rejection and Maternal rejection
Maternal rejection is the big one. Being the adult of a thwarted child is not easy. Social acceptance becomes all the more vital. Feeling that society’s acceptance is essential to survival for some reason. Whilst we are social creatures by nature, you only need the acceptance of those that matter. As a matter of fact those that matter will accept you anyway. Taking 50 years to accept that not everyone is your friend. Try not to take that long over it. Morphing through different versions of yourself takes it’s toll on your mental health. Relationships that do not need to happen for the sake of everyone involved. If you are just “you” in the first place life is alot simpler. There will always be those that do not agree or like you. People you don’t like in general don’t care so why would you?
People pleasing can seem like the easy way to get a smooth running life. In the long term no. The real you will eventually get fed with dancing to the tune of others drums. Maternal rejection gives you the feeling that the real you is not acceptable. Spending the last few decades of my life trying to get my mother’s acceptance was a thankless task. Coupled with trying to be someone everyone accepted was draining. People pleasing is emotionally draining. Causing emotional burn out is common. Coupled with feeling like you are on mission impossible. The truth is you are.
Children can be so cruel
Children can be so cruel. With the rise of social media bullying is something that has come to the fore. Schools are trying to crack down on it but when the children see this behavior as clever and funny. All behavior is learnt and for one I was very strict on my children not to isolate others. But some, maybe those that were bullies themselves allow their children to inherit.
So many young lives have been cut short by this behavior. Young people that feel the only way out is to end their lives. Bullying and social rejection can cause severe psychological harm. Many psychological disorders such as PTSD, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. Panic attacks are very common. As a matter of fact more common than many care to admit.
Children being taught to be more self aware and accepting. Would that avoid many of the anxiety disorders we are seeing a dramatic rise in? Teaching mindfulness and self acceptance would allow them to develop the right relationships from the start. Relationships where they find acceptance and love for who they are. Indeed we can’t protect them from all hurt. Emotional pain is all part of life. Similarly it’s important to understand that life is not perfect. Balance between sadness and happiness are normal. However needless low self esteem is something to avoid.
Social rejection are there too many diagnoses
In recent years we have seen a huge rise in diagnoses of ADHD, asperger’s syndrome and the autism spectrum. Where is the line ? giving a name to just bad behavior tells the child and parents that’s ok. Some traits surely could and should be dealt with at home? Nobody is perfect and that goes for our children also. I love my kids unconditionally but there are sometimes when i don’t like them very much. Any honest parent would agree. I feel sure my children feel the same about me. When we pigeon hole our children though, isn’t that part of the problem? I am all in favor of getting help with conditions that need it. Is is sometimes easier to give it a name to appease the child’s family. Could some of us be more prepared to accept that the issue is with us as parents? I include myself in that. It’s never too late to improve communication with our kids. Even when they are adults.
With some diagnoses just telling the child “there’s something wrong with you”. causing the isolated feelings we are trying to avoid in the first place. Since I can remember, children who are not of average statistics are separated from the others. Is drawing attention to what could just be quirky character causing more damage? We all have our strengths. Schools now seem to focus more and more on academic achievement.
With the introduction of league tables for schools came more pressure on teachers and children alike. Not all people achieve in that way. Teachers being judged on their pupil’s exam results. Children are becoming mini adults. Where did the balance between school and being a “kid” go?