“LIKE WALKING THROUGH A THUNDER STORM WITH A METAL ROD IN YOUR HAND”
what will help ?
PTSD/CPTSD AND TRIGGERS. there are more things you can do to help than you think. It can seem like it’s hopeless. If you are the partner or close friend of someone with C/PTSD learning to love several different people can be tough. There is help and support, but the best help and support for them is you!
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-dysthymia-dysthymic-disorder-1066954
especially if the C/PTSD is caused during childhood, the patient may feel a lose of identity. Even worse, they may not even build one. It can be difficult for them to know and who they are. This can continue into adulthood . Imagine the child shut in a cold, damp room. They hate it in there but it’s familiar. Therefore they become afraid of anything positive. Trust is only formed in oppressive situations as that is what makes sense to that child curled up in the corner of the cold, dark room.
Gentle coaxing out of that room is the only way and it can take years. Years of up’s and down’s. Years of feeling like you’re getting nowhere. Looking after yourself whilst sitting outside that room is essential. Under no circumstances should you join them in that room. When they emerge they will need you more than when they were in there. it can seem like they develop several personalities at the same time.
THINGS TO BARE IN MIND
staying consistant is good way of gaining their trust . They need to know what they are getting. Even when they test your limits, trust me they will ! over and over again. One personality will hurt you and the other will soothe you better. It’s the ultimate emotional roller coaster. Living with the adult of your multi faceted abused child can be a challenge. Try not to let them get overwhelmed. Especially emotionally. Not as easy as it sounds when this condition makes it very difficult to regulate emotion. Going from intense love and passion to almost devaluing those they love. The only consolation you will have is that on the downward curve they feel just as crap as you do with a huge spoonful of guilt on top.
Feeling worse than you do is certain, however admitting to it? not on your life so don’t wait for it. Try and avoid hostility in children and adults. it will trigger the fight or flight! If the response is flight , then you could bare witness to an outburst of rage. This would not be born from a wish to hurt you but to make you back away. people with C/PTSD are generally passive in nature. Hostility will make them feel like they are under attack. More over they may even feel like the only way is to go back into the horrible dark room you lovingly coaxed them out of. This doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat in order to keep the peace.
PTSD/CPTSD AND TRIGGERS.
if you need to convey your displeasure then sit them down calmly and tell them exactly how it’s going to be! bit like a teacher or parents giving you a good ole fashioned dressing down. Therefore if your partner has this condition, from time to time they will behave in ways you will find hard to tolerate or unacceptable. Just like a child testing their boundaries, pushing until you find your limits. The child in them, especially if the trauma was in childhood will. Suddenly come racing to the surface and act out.
So unfortunately you may have to treat them as such. So difficult on occasions to know when it’s appropriate to treat a grown adult like a child. More over you have to be so many roles to them. Knowing them for a very long time and on a very deep connection is really the only way for long term intimate relationships to be fulfilling for both sides.
PTSD/CPTSD AND TRIGGERS.
“LIKE WALKING THROUGH A THUNDER STORM WITH A METAL ROD IN YOUR HAND”
Each personality you are shown is one you have to fall in love with. Should your partner feel that there one or more of their personalities you don’t love, they will hide them from you. The issue there is breeding a secretive air in the relationship leading to mistrust. As soon as that rears it’s head you are in hot water. No close relationship can be built on mistrust let alone survive . Total acceptance is the only way.