HOW TO DEESCALATE CONFLICT CONTD……
HOW TO DEESCALATE CONFLICT CONTD…… to carry on from yesterday’s post on the subject of conflict and resolving it. We all argue from time to time and it seems that the closer the relationship, the more heated any conflict can become. Especially in an intimate relationship where a couple feel intense passion. When the scales tip the other way, conflict can get very intense also. Of course there are ways to lessen the impact on the relationship. Similarly with any kind of one to one arguments, if the relationship is close, the more there is at stake.
HOW TO DEESCALATE CONFLICT CONTD……
In any kind of relationship it is important to listen to each other and value the feelings and opinion of the other. If your spouse, friend or loved one does not feel you value their feelings then you will hit problems very quickly. Again, try and practice “active listening ” whereby you actually sit down and block everything else out. As a result your complete focus is for them. Allow them to speak and finish what they have to say. There is nothing more rage inspiring than someone who repeatedly interrupts you. Allow them to have their say and then have yours. More over try and avoid throwing accusations and “mud over the fence” just because you are angry and name calling makes you feel better. The only result will be winding your opponent up even further.
LEAVE THE PAST WHERE IT BELONGS…..
In the first place, please please do not dredge up the past as a weapon. The past is done and only seeks to add fuel to the already escalating fire. More over avoid using filler words, a prime example being ” you always annoy me “. Pointless exercise!! If the conflict has arisen from an annoying repetitive behavior then try saying “sometimes ” or “occasionally “. In the case of a marriage or intimate relationship, where there have been unresolved issues, these only grow with resentment. As a result of the acorn that is resentment, an oak tree of bitterness doth grow. Past misdemeanors tend to make good lumps of mud to throw over that conflict fence.
If a partner especially has hurt you then you have to make a decision. Whether to remain in the relationship or not. Of course if you remain then you have to be prepared to forgive the hurt and completely put it behind you. Really as if it never happened. If you cannot do that then the relationship is on course for a train wreck because at some time in the future it will either happen again, or it will rear it’s ugly head during an argument. Therefore leaving the relationship behind is probably the best course of action. Make an effort to get to the cause of the pain.
TRY NOT TO COPY OR MIRROR IMAGE DURING A ROW.
In a counselling or therapy setting, mirroring can be very beneficial. Nevertheless , in an argument it may well come across as sarcastic or mocking. Do your best to stay calm and suggest sitting down and working out ways you can work together in resolution.
HOW TO DEESCALATE CONFLICT CONTD…… BE OPEN TO COMPROMISE
Compromise is one of my favorite resolution remedies. If you can meet you partner or opponent half way then you will generally always come to an agreement that leaves both feeling heard. Many people see and argument or debate as something they have to win at all costs. Personally that trait drives me mental. Just a merely personal bug bare. mainly because I don’t believe in failure. I believe that when we make mistakes, it should make us more determined to achieve our goal. Try and find that middle ground. Those who wish to be the winner at any cost, tend to try and control everything around and that includes people.
Professional help through a mediator can be very effective. The willingness of both partners is essential for this to work. Counselling, psychotherapy or hypnotherapy can be effective
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