HOW CAN WE IMPROVE THE WAY WE PERCEIVE OURSELVES AND OUR RELATIONSHIPS? Nevertheless we argue with someone we love especially, deflection tends to take place a lot. It’s almost like we say ” I don’t want these emotions you have them”.
THE EMOTIONAL BOOMERANG
Deflection is the ultimate boomerang, emotional deflection will always come back to you. Of course we know we are deflecting someone away from drawing flaws to our attention. Indeed we know the flaws in ourselves exist, we don’t need reminding. However we still do it and worse still the more a person means to us the more we do it. Here is a way of trying to avoid repeated injuries from that boomerang.
Next time you are sitting on your contemplating the meaning of your life and who caused it to go wrong, try this. Remember your past relationships, especially those where you parted under a cloud. Ask yourself why that particular caused you to feel bitter or resentful. Was it more about how you perceived their behavior. Was it indeed more about issues within them? Think about whether you could have perceived things differently. Would the outcome have been different ? If it could have been different learn from it. If nothing would have changed the outcome then you can move on knowing you can’t change it. More over some connections are meant to help us reconcile with intense emotion. Intense emotion can only exist when it went both ways.
HOW CAN WE IMPROVE THE WAY WE PERCEIVE OURSELVES AND OUR RELATIONSHIPS?
When it comes to improvement for the future, thank each relationship for what you learnt and in your mind thank your partner. Hopefully they may have done the same and thanked you for your part in their emotional education. This practice doesn’t come easy to many of us and it’s certainly not about blaming everyone else for our pain. Quite the opposite is in fact true. Once you have learnt to do it with all experience, good and bad, we keep evolving as a person. More over we grow and by doing so our past becomes part of our present and future. Those we have in our lives stay with us in mind and heart if not physically.
Parent and child relationships help us grow as a soul. No other relationship brings the same intensity of joy mixed with pain. The unconditional love a parent has for a child is without comparison. The intense physical pain of child birth and the incredible joy that is very quickly replaced with when you see your baby for the first time. Many feel that parenting is about teaching your children, however we actually learn the same amount from them if we have the right connection and attitude towards them.
SEEING THE PURPOSE OF A RELATIONSHIP
When we fail to see the purpose of a relationship we are left feeling empty. A lifetime is like a jigsaw puzzle and each relationship and connection is a part of that puzzle. When we experience a piece that doesn’t seem to fit, we are left with so many questions. These are the ones we tend to feel the most resentment toward because we can’t seem to somehow justify why they happened. A common saying is ” well that’s however many years of my life I will never get back”. This is when it’s our attitude and perception that is the most damaging.
There is always a reason. We just have to find it and sometimes it maybe that we have to carry something with us for some time before the reason will click into place . Once we can do this, emotional baggage is not only a thing of the past but it shouldn’t exist in the first place.