BREAKDOWNS IN MARRIAGE is the rise in divorce down to more than infidelity? of course it is. It’s easy to blame a third person for the breakdown of a marriage. More over the marriage is the responsibility of the two people in it. It’s true that two’s company and three is a crowd. It’s true that women have affairs just as much as men.
The reason generally put down to lack of intimacy. From experience I can tell you that some relationships are just not very physical. People marry for individual reasons. In fact some cultures still have arranged marriages. This has always confused me about the overall concept of marriage. Is it really more of a partnership? Does romance and love have much to do with it?
You hear of different descriptions of marriage. The dreadful child marriages, of course not forgetting “marriage of convenience” Is the notion of marriage being the love of our lives a fantasy.? More over, is it really “just a piece of paper? “
BREAKDOWNS IN MARRIAGE
GROWING OLD TOGETHER
The above quote by Albert Einstein is very true. A man finds a woman that he hopes will stay the same and a woman always tries to fix or tame a man. If you go into a marriage wanting to change your partner then you don’t love them. Surely you want a life partner not a project? Similarly we are born into this life to grow and improve ourselves as we age and gain experience. We all change in some ways as we mature. Growing old together is not just about laughing as our bodies fall apart. Neither is it about staying the same person you married. As we age, what we need in a partner changes. Society has changed so much since the idea of one marriage is for life.
BREAKDOWNS IN MARRIAGE
As the way in which we educate our children changes, we teach them to expect more from life. Women now take on higher paid jobs and are quite often the breadwinner or an equal financially. Therefore the marriage has become more a partnership of equal responsibility and less of a breadwinner and homemakers.
Marriage partners are now expected to role reverse or even have equal roles . Of course this is progress, although doesn’t that mean there is more room for those two people to change. The challenge is changing in a way that your spouse likes. So many times we hear someone say “I want the husband/wife I married” The issue is that nobody is ever the same person they married after a number of years. The secret is to change at the same rate and in the same ways. By the same token, when a marriage runs into problems, we are often too busy blaming each other to look at why both need to address it. The same occurs when you hear so many say ” why should I change “. They feel that it shouldn’t have to change anything. Many take the need to improve themselves as a personal slight.
We also have to allow for the fact that things can surface that change someone dramatically. As a result the other partner feels cheated in a way. Events, memories and traumas can be stored by the unconscious mind.
BREAKDOWNS IN MARRIAGE
THREE PARTS TO THE HUMAN MIND.. are the unconscious, subconscious and the conscious mind. the unconscious stores memories and information right back to when we were a baby. Some research has shown that memories can go back as far as the womb before we are born. Long term memories are kept in the unconscious mind. The subconscious is like an overflow for the conscious mind. Sometimes if one partner has suffered trauma as a child , it can sit in the unconscious until another life event triggers it. This can change a person and the husband or wife starts to become distant. As a result suspicion can start to circulate the mind and resentment builds. More often than not the other partner always tends to look to a third party. Not always the case. However once the couple become distant and the intimacy stops, the ingredients for infidelity are being mixed.
BREAKDOWNS IN MARRIAGE we need more education
More education in these matters would surely help us try and understand our partners and change with them. If one partner, for instance, has an issue that rears from the past, maybe we should try and help them and make sure that suspicion is the last port of call. If your partner is suffering don’t make it about ourselves. Don’t automatically think that their pain is about you. Why do we tend to think that we have done something wrong? it’s a sign of low esteem and a splash of narcissist. Your partner’s pain is more likely to be about something that happened to them. You could end driving them into the arms of another. Communication in a relationship is everything. What others think is irrelevant, it’s what you both feel and want that matters. Sit down and ask what is troubling your partner, ask if there’s anything you can do to help. Try and be supportive. If there is infidelity then find out why they feel the need to seek a relationship alongside their marriage.